Freedom and fear as synonyms

Posted by on July 26, 2012 at 3:30 pm.

Today, I woke up unemployed.

With no job waiting for me, I am in the final stages of packing everything I own and moving halfway across the country. Again. This time, instead of moving for a job, I am moving because it’s what I want to do. What I need to do.

Even though I am not gainfully employed in Chicago, my fiance is. And I believe people, especially me, are tired of hearing me bitch about being in a long-distance relationship. About how I never get to see Jean, about the disadvantages of maintaining a relationship via cell phone signal, about really, really, really needing a hug.

Now some people, especially me, believe this plan has some pretty serious holes in it. There’s the lack of income, the potential gap in job history, leaving The New York Times company (some people include leaving Florida, but I put that in the “pro” column). I’m ready to accept these problems for a chance to move my life forward. Jean and I are getting married in a few months, and if I didn’t make this move now, I’d be making it then.

I am ready for this move now. Too many of my days have been identical to the one just before it. I’ve been stagnant in life, doing my best to stir the water as often as I can, but it’s not been enough. This move, which I’m totally ready for because it puts me together with Jean, scares the shit out of me in so many ways. And I’m glad, because I need that fear to help me figure out what I’m going to do next. To help me figure out what I want to do next.

By next, I mean Step 2 in this plan because Step 1 is that I’m going to get a really, really, really big hug.

One Comment

  • Paul says:

    Good luck with the move, JPS!

    Just moving around inside one country (even if it is a big one) is nothing! hehe!

    I am slightly jealous of you as, although I like Florida, I have lived in big cities most of my life and I do miss them! Plus the Northern culture is closer to what I’m used to!

    The gap in your job history can always be filled with a little imagination – you are a poet. I’ve had lots of gaps, being a Bohemian type, and I’ve always found creative ways to massage the truth.

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