Smearing peanut butter on my face

Posted by on August 25, 2011 at 12:12 pm.

This is not a metaphor.

Earlier today, inspired by a post on the usually sage, I decided to use peanut butter to shave my face. I was a bit suspicious of the technique, but I thought it might be worth trying. After all, peanut butter is one of the most wonderful substances ever created.

To accomodate my choice in shaving assistant, I decided to change the order of my daily routine and shave before showing on this particular morning. Using my hand, I began to lather on my face some of my favorite peanut butter, JIF creamy (though my parents were too cheap to be choosy when I was growing up, I always go for the good stuff).

While trying to spread the PB, it was fighting me a little bit, so I applied a much thicker layer. That worked better and I managed to cover my right cheek and neck, about 1/3 of the total shaveable area. Next came the razor, with which I made a few passes of the entire area.

It didn’t really work.

The peanut butter did a good job of keeping the razor from cutting me, but it also seemed to keep the razor from cutting the hair very well. I’d say it got about half of them off my face in the target area. And it was almost nearly impossible to get the razor blade clean.

Calling the task a failure, I jumped in the shower to clean off and planned to resume shaving with normal shaving cream afterwords. No matter how hard I scrubbed, I couldn’t seem to get all of the peanut butter smell off of me in the shower. I’m not sure if maybe I got some in my nose or if I was just imagining it, but I smelled delicious all day.

For dinner — a shaving cream and jelly sandwich.

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